Week Recap 10/31

Weeks run from Mon-Sun. This is what happened last week:

Tuesday 10/25:

$78 for mother's credit card. It was either pay up or add $35 to the balance as an overdraft fee. Sigh. Wish I could lie and say this happened Friday, but it happened Tuesday.

Wednesday 10/26:
$5.66 to replace cassette adapter for my car... (see, when I'm angry, I punch stuff and compulse-buy things. At least they're cheap things.)

Friday 10/28:
$24.38 - misc. groceries, used tons of coupons
$43.01 - Gas for my car
$180.00 - gas utility bill for my parents + Reconnection fee. Meh. Enough said.

Saturday 10/29:

$20 for metro card. First time I got one, and I'll be using this one a lot, so that's why it is fairly high.

$21.00 lunch for 2 (he paid for dinner)

Sunday 10/30:

$20.19 - lunch for 2 (he paid for entertainment the day before)

$2.50 - Toll money!

Overall, other than $258 spent on my parents, $100 of which were already scheduled for, I spent $136.74. The gas is coming from last paycheck's budget, which leaves me with close to $62 until 11/11. Not horribly bad, but so not proud of it. This coming week (or two) will see too many no-spend days! I am also trying to recoup at LEAST some of the $180 I paid on the gas bill, but once again, not holding my breath for it. 70% chance I wont get any of it back, so there.

On the cheerful side, my EF is up to $450! Also, I kept the $250 from my car (long story I dont feel like sharing), and I'm calling it my parent's EF. Alright! Things are looking rather decent despite the monumental challenges that keep sending me death stares across the pond.

Paycheck 10/28: $88.07/$150 -- Murphy: $158.00
Paycheck 10/14: $132.86/$150 -- Murphy: $0

Burnt out

I've been getting grumpier these days. I hit the car yesterday out of anger and broke the cassette adapter when it got stuck under the seat, which I will have to replace (they only cost $5...). But my point was made.

I've tried cupcakes and candies and cookies to no avail. I've come to realize, I'm getting burnt out of this budgeting issue. Especially when doing it for my parents. Having a blog about it has made me realize, gee. I do think about my budget and my expenses (and of course, my financial problems and fears) a lot more than I thought.

So I am going to do one final push!... next week. This weekend, I want to focus in having some fun with my half brother. Resetting my stress levels to something a bit more manageable. After that, I'll work on a 3-day bootcamp to figure out everything I need to figure out in regards to my parents. I'll (attempt to) present the findings to my parents, and have them take it or leave it. But that will be that. I wont think about it anymore. I need a break from them.

Of course I will need some follow up thereafter. I wont continue to senselessly hand out money. Which is hard, considering I fought for 2 weeks to get control of all the bills and must now voluntarily relinquish them. I do have my cellphone on a family plan with my parents, as well as my car insurance. But that's it. I've had both cut off several times because they forget to pay it or what not, so perhaps I should look into getting my phone service separate. I have toyed with the idea of not sticking around for the weekends at their house. Or maybe pausing my part-time work. I'll come up with details next week.

But yeah. I feel a little burnt out.

T's Financial SWOT Analysis

Following up with Making Sense of Cent's Michele, I want to do a SWOT analysis of my situation.

Strengths: 
- Stable job (or two!) that I actually enjoy
- VERY low maintenance/frugal (I rarely ask/get stuff for myself outside of groceries/toiletries)
- Single, no dependents (buying food for one is really cheap)
- Got a small raise at the end of Sept, equal to about $35 per paycheck

Weaknesses:
- No partner to divide expenses/bills with
- Dumb-sighted and willing to help parents who will not yield to reason
- No upward mobility at full time job, so raises are relatively small and far between

Opportunities:
- Get smarter about grocery bill. Use coupons to save more!
- Work more hours at second job for extra income?
- I'd love to do free lancing anything, but I have no idea of how to go about that
- Another part time job closer to full time job
- Getting field certification to expand income potential when I leave current employer (would be awesome if employer would pay for the certification too, since it's in the field anyway!)

Threats:
- Parents and their bad budgeting, needing to continuously input money into their household
- Losing job (not a real threat, but it could happen)
- Another car break down!

A little help here?

My mother is returning home somewhere at the end of October. She informed my dad last weekend that, although she will let me get rid of his part of debt, she will not let me handle/pay off her debt. Ok?

I don't believe my mother understands this whole debt business and how bad it is. They have no retirement plan or fund. My dad started to put money into his company's 401k maybe 3 years ago, and a modest, small amount at that. But that is NOWHERE near enough for him to retire let alone for the both of them to do so. They don't own a home, but rent a very expensive one. Heck, they (will) own a barely reliable car as soon as I am done paying for it.

Ok, trying not to sidetrack... but what I need help with is...

How do I go about this debt conversation with her?

I havent spoken to her in years. I don't believe I am quite strong enough to actually 'talk' to her. I'll snap and walk out and go hit a tree or a fence post. Especially at the very predictable resistance to any plan or any idea of fixing this mess the right way. I do hold some (a lot of) un-aimed anger at her, but it's not because of my financial situation. At least, not all of it.

So far my plan includes every single weapon in my arsenal: graphs, charts, payment schedules, goal setting, finance 101, worst case scenarios, my plans, what they should look forward to in term of THEIR plans, more charts, more numbers, lots of numbers of every sequence and meaning imaginable... I need her to understand that I am gain nothing from them being in debt or debt free. But that I WANT them to be debt free because, well, it's easier, it's better, and it works. Also, although I don't care much for my mother, I care for my dad and want HIM to be in a better position, which includes my mother being in a better position.

This talk will take place sometime in Nov. I've tried a lot of talking, and I'm tired of the waiting game, since things will NOT take care of themselves. Any advice is much appreciated!

Week Recap 10/24

Monday: $42.79 groceries for me (yay, I have food again!)
Friday: $11.78 chicken on sale and some bread for the weekend at my parents'.
Sunday: $29.62 buying TP, paper towels, dog and cat food. And laundry detergent. All for parent's house. Dad paid for the food on this trip.

4 no-spend days, $84.19 out of $150 budget ($150 every paycheck).

Ok, so I spent $1.39 less on my dad's than on my own shopping. That's fair enough.

As I mentioned before, they towed away my car, as my dad sold it to a friend for pieces, at $300 for it (a bit higher than junk yard prices). I couldn't watch it go, and the money does not seem to cover it at all, but the car had to go before the forsaken HOA started to get on my dad's behind about it. We returned the tags, and should have a check in the mail for $65. I took it off the insurance, and it went down by $20/mo. I gave my dad $60 for his expenses this week (mostly gas and what not) and kept the other $240 as EF savings because I don't trust him with money. He wont spend it, but my younger siblings will drain it out of him. I'll keep it in cash for right now and hope I forget about it.

To be honest, I am rather fearful that the $240 will be spent next week, when my mother is scheduled to return on Friday (a whole post coming about that soon). Her tickets to fly back are scheduled to be about $300, and no, she doesn't have money to pay for them, so my dad has to pay them (which means I have to). Sigh. All of his paycheck left on Friday, and only 4 of 8 utility bills were paid (behind on 2 of them), and none of the 8 credit cards were paid. Not sure what to do, to be honest, but have to keep going with the flow. The very bad, lousy flow. Only 5 more of his paychecks to manage until December, where I hope I can utilize the extra paycheck to balance/get caught up with stuff.

Remembering our goals

Following the theme of the Marshmallow test, it got me thinking, what exactly is my other marshmallow? What are the things I really want and am waiting for and enduring the long, arduous minutes/ hours/ days/ months/ years for?

Sure, a lot of us have a lifetime goal of getting out of debt and living comfortably. Or really down the road goals like paying off a mortgage earlier or seeing one children's go into college debt free. But I guess the goals I want to focus on today are those goals we're looking to accomplish in the next 5 years or so.

And here's why: A lot of us are hard set on focusing on the journey. Nothing bad with that at all! However, we don't keep our goal/destination in mind as much as we do on the road to get there. Heck, sometimes the destination takes us by surprise and we have not a darn clue what to do once there! I propose that we should be mindful of what our goals are more frequently. To have a photo of what it looks like on the fridge, or in our nightstand. So...

Here's my rundown list!

Taken from an earlier post by Rafiki at Upendilife, I want to list the stuff in regards to how important they are.

Car - 7/10

I have a car right now, but it's borrowed from my parent's, since my car died 10/7. I don't want to hold onto this car for a long time, so I need to start reviewing my options...  but I just want a car that's mine. And I NEED a car because public transportation doesn't really exist around here.

Professional camera - 2/10
This is a big time WANT and nowhere near a need of any sort. I want to record the rest of my life in photos, and I also like to take photos. Right now I am depending on a 1.2mp camera, and that isn't going to get me there.


My own apartment/a home -5/10
I cannot express how badly I want this. So you will have to trust me. I want it even more than to be completely debt free. But that's it: a WANT. For now. At this point in time, 4th quarter of 2011, my desire for it is at a 5 because I am adding rationale. I KNOW I cant move yet. Ask me again in 2-3 years and that will be a 12/10.

Blackberry Cellphone - 7/10
Hello pretty phone. 90% of my friends are out of state and we communicate via chat, so a phone like this really helps. Also, my current phone has played dead and zombie one too many times. I'm afraid that the next time it dies, no amount of tape will help me bring it back...

Umbrella - 2/10
Go ahead, laugh. It's been pouring dogs and cats, and I really like how I can throw these mini umbrellas anywhere in my backpack, and they are automatic open/close. Mine wont last me much longer and I received as a gift. They also illustrate how bad of a situation mine is that I can't afford a $16.99 umbrella. I'd still like to buy one, though. Preferably that plaid one.



What are some of the things YOU are waiting for and enduring this whole debt paying business? How do you keep your goals in mind in good and in bad times? (Like posting photos, keeping them on your desk/desktop, daydreaming) I personally called the local Chamber of Commerce of the place I want to move to, and requested they sent me a map of the city. I had a photo of that map as background for my phone, but now I just have it posted inside my closet walls, so every time I go in there, the map is there. It does make me feel a lot better just by glancing at it in the morning!

Frustration about my debt...

You know, it is a strange thing for me to talk about 'my' debt. I am not going to say that it is a bad thing for people to get credit cards and get carried over with spending to the point they're in debt, or living beyond their means. I am not saying anything that demeans or diminishes anybody. I'm not judging or looking for judgment.

However... I do have a credit card debt. Not quite 'mine' as some may recall. But I never got to use my cards until last November when I claimed them back from my mother right before moving. Both of my cards were maxed out, one having been closed for a few months due to non payment that I was unaware of. So if you could step into my shoes for a moment... I am not saying it is a bad thing or a good thing. All I'm trying to convey is that... I see questions of spending habits I can't relate to. I keep answering with things I believe I believe in. I have debt that I inherited, sort of. And I am confused.

"But I don't want to be different..."

For whatever reason, I wish that it was MY debt. That I made the mistakes and I’m paying for it (literally and figuratively). I'm not a masochist, but I'd like the ownership. To know that I spent all $7k from both cards. Heck, I should at least have had the satisfaction of getting benefits from those $7k. But I never did, as I have mentioned, all income (from my part time job while at school, and both of those cards of mine) were handled by my mother without my knowledge. I lived the life of the REALLY broke college student without really needing to.

I don't think I ever came to terms with this little issue. What ARE my spending habits? How can I improve if I was never given the chance to get in debt in the first place? Am I frugal because I have debt or was I always frugal? When I get out of debt, will I make the mistakes I was never allowed to do, since I will, for the first time, have the opportunity to make them myself?

Of course, I am also upset, but I am not sure what or who to be upset with. My mother? That to me equals to being upset with a rock. Myself? "But I didn't do it!" screams half of my brain, while the other one yells "You didn't stop it, you were part of the problem!". And I was. The debate continues.

I'll stop rambling now and continue some solitary soul searching... I just think that if I made a mess, I should clean it up. I should feel that I need to clean it up because I made the mess myself. I want to have that connection with debt, and it is somewhat missing. I guess I'm just frustrated for a different reason that doesnt include me being upset at my mother for getting me in this mess to begin with. I've never been upset at that. It's a worthless topic that leads nowhere.

Have you ever had to pay for something that wasn't your doing? I'm sure we all have, one way or another. But would it have made a difference if you had done the deed? Would you have felt better or worst if it was your actions you were now paying up for, vs someone else's?

Looking at the weekend

I was going to post something worthwhile yesterday, but the thunderstorm took out the internet very early in the afternoon, so that was out of the question. I'll save that post for later on.

I went grocery shopping on Monday (yay me), but forgot to use the coupon that made me go grocery shopping at that store (boo). That has been it for my expenses. However...

I am already dreading the weekend ever so slightly. It so appears that my mother, from out of the country, decided to take bills into her hands and out of mine. So yeah, disaster is to be expected. I haven't had the time (or desire, really) to look at what has actually transpired. I know she paid too much in one of her cards that I was on schedule to pay on Friday (with my dad's check), and made a withdraw of about $300. I was already going on -$300 for the week since (as I've mentioned before as bad news), this household is operating on a negative budget. So... it isn't looking pretty.

Come on, December... get here soon.

Oh, since I havent mentioned what's really going on in December, you know how those of us that get paid every 2 weeks have 2 months out of the year where we get 3 paychecks instead of 2? For my father, that will be in December. Mine happened either August or September, and I really didn't feel it because of all the Murphy visits. But I am hoping that with my dad's 3rd check, I can at least get mostly caught up and zero out... heck, maybe I can even save $100 out of it and secretly start their EF.

It all sounds like wishful thinking to me right now, but on we go.

(This is how I feel about it all right now.)

Week Recap 10/17

Almost forgot to do this. Been crazy at work...

But here it is.
My week recap will run from Mon - Sun.

Friday: (Payday)
$410 for dad's car
$330 split between CC1, CC2, L1, L2

And that's that. I managed to make it all week without spending! Mainly because I had $3.40 in my bank account since Tuesday after all hit from last week, but still! I'm content. Paycheck in, payments out.

Happy Monday.

"When will you do something fun?"

Honestly, I hate this question. This question equates to the gamer's "don't you have a life?". Now, this question comes in a myriad of ways, but it is always looking for the same response. Some other forms of it is: "Why wont you come to XYZ? (place/event)", "Why don't you do something fun?", "When will you start enjoying life?", "When will you do something for yourself?" And the list goes on.

Case in point: this weekend. My older brother and his wife call me on Friday as I am grumping and sorting stuff for my other job. I'm tired just thinking I have to work, but as always, my job is a nice break from everything, and I even get paid for it... win-win. So the call is about them asking me if I wanted to go to some fall festival happening this weekend. I apologize and say I have to work on Saturday (he's well aware I do). They ask me why cant I call off work. I say I cant, and that I didn't really have enough notice to request off. They say I should join them on Sunday, my only free day. I keep my ground and say that maybe some other time, given decent notice.

I don't want to come out as ungrateful and bitter, but I REALLY do not like going out "other people's way" and not my way. And I quite honestly hate being the third wheel between my brother and his wife. I am not an extremely outgoing guy, and honestly, I like to be left to my own devices. My idea of fun does not have to match anyone else's idea but my own. And I hate having to explain what my idea of 'fun', because people have a pre-determined idea of what "fun" SHOULD be for everyone, and stick to it as a founding principle. I also hate having to explain the answer to the questions I posted above...

I will do something fun when I feel like I can enjoy a fun time. Can I have a fun time knowing how bad my (and my our parents') situation is? Spending as much as $30-40 on a fair I had no interest in going, possibly skipping work (my only means to build up savings)? I know I cant. And it'd be awkward. And I'd have to fake I am enjoying it, but I wont be. I am trying to enjoy life as much as I have clearance for, holding out as a way to get a bigger, better reward later on.

Do you guys about the Marshmallow Test? Those experiments where they give kids one marshmallow, and promise another marshmallow if they don't eat the first one by the time the adults re-enter the room? Yes, I am saving my marshmallow. Those kids in the experiments do not know when the adult is scheduled to come back in the room... or at least, they dont have much sense of time at that age. I know when mine is, down to the month. Not sure if that is an advantage or a disadvantage, but I'm going to hold onto my marshmallow until then.

I agree I need to have fun to break these dull moments, but I've already scheduled some fun MY way. It may not sound fun for anyone else, but that's alright. It just has to sound like fun for me and the person/group I am going with.

Another paycheck

It so happens my dad and I get paid on alternating weeks. This Friday is my week, and all of it is already pre-sorted: $330 on my own debt, $410 for the car, and what's left will be to remake the EF or try to bandage last week's/last month's leaks with all the visits from Murphy... oh yes, and grocery shopping. I don't ever want to go another 2 weeks without grocery shopping. It has sucked.

The fact that my paycheck is already sorted out and out the door as soon as it hits (it will be distributed tomorrow at 5:30am to be exact) isn't a bad thing. That's how I had it fixed... however.

His check next week will be one funny looking balancing act. Most of the bills are past due or will be past due. And I don't mean just overdue as in they were due the week prior... the payments we will be making on most of the things were payments from last month. That's 2 months due by the time I can start paying them. So yes, it will take me quite a bit of work to get caught up to zero out. My goal is to be slightly ahead, or at least fully caught up by December... it is a reasonable goal, I think. IF MURPHY STOPS COMING FOR TEA AND COOKIES. *cough*

But I am extremely hopeful. Knowing what's going on makes me feel very peaceful, even despite the situation. I know I'll be dealing with re-balancing two months worth of bills within the next 3 months, but at least I have a general idea of what to expect. And I can plan around it. I can plan for it. And quite honestly, I will get it done. I haven't given the first step yet (first step will be with my dad's first check), but once that's done, I'll have the ball rolling and there's only one way to go after that.

Blog identity

Having a bit of trouble defining my blog and the tone it carries... I don't want just to whine and use it as an ongoing spreadsheet not only because it'd be heck boring to you guys, but it'd be heck boring to me when I look back at it wondering what I was doing last year.

I thought about a few posts that are not yet published. Advice type ones... advice, me? I've seen so many advices fail it isn't funny, so I won't play the 'do as I say, not as it happened' type game. I have probably heard every single advice regarding how to manage a family budget and have had them fail on me, mainly because of who is in my family. I don't feel I have the right to forward advice to anyone. (I still might)

I don't want to just encourage and be a preacher, though I do that very well. I'm honestly content and happy when people are doing well. It makes ME feel better when others feel better. Friends and newly-mets alike.

Soo. I'll move with the blogosphere's currents for a while and worry about the identity issue later. I'll do some logging of my expenses, and try not to flood with thoughts regarding other people's post. I dont have anything genuine to bring to the table yet, but maybe that will come later.

That said, I am still a bit down regarding my car's sudden yet expected death. Bummer. Have not given the slightest thought about replacing it. But considering the last 3 cars that have been bought at my parent's house have been less than $1500, I think I should come up with at least that much soon.

Week Recap 10/10

My week recap will run from Mon - Sun. It should be short and sweet, since I only try to go grocery shopping once a week/every two weeks... and I really dislike shopping. For food or otherwise.

• Monday: 
  $50 gas for dad
• Wednesday:
  $178 tires (dad bought them for the other car)
$10 overdraft protection fee for paying mother's credit card
• Thursday:
$5.30 dinner
• Friday:
$6.70 dinner
$75 car tow (R.I.P. Chevy)
$2 donations for Breast Cancer Awareness
$12.65 mailing something for dad
• Sunday:
$50.50 gas

Total: $377.50 out of a budget of... well. Umm. $130 savings, $100 'send-home' scheduled transfers and... my $150 food/misc/gas money. Thankfully this Friday is payday, but down by one car, I don't see myself starting snowballs until... later. Oh well. Gotta keep moving on and go with the punches.

And so the weekend begins!

Don't you just hate it when you're always wrong about wishing/hoping for good things? Well, don't you hate it even more when you're RIGHT when predicting BAD things? I sure do.

This morning I was writing a post to close the week. Complaining about a $10 overdraft fee, and wondering what else the world had in store for me. And lookie there. The world wasted no time in letting me know.

My car, which had been a mess for a while, finally broke down. Yes, this was the car that I was hoping would make it to 2014. No, this isn't my dad's car which I pay for. No, I really can't replace it right now. My EF is beyond depleted, and I really don't have any savings or anything. Sucks indeed. I called the towing company and it was $75 to tow it. Hey, not complaining! If you wanna talk about silver linings, my dad's tow for 2 or so weeks ago came to $225. Plus a $70 ticket and another ticket that needs to be settled in court. So I'm actually... content.

I only hope this is the only immediate surprise for the weekend. Because replacing this car is going to be quite a long-term challenge. Unless I borrow one of the cars at my parent's house. Without mine, there are a total of 3 cars. My dad's, and two older ones. Or maybe I can get away with borrowing one some weeks, but not others... I'll make it work.

Hope everyone has a wonderful, better weekend!

Budget updates

Budget additions: $180 for tires for my dad's car. That leaves me with $20. THAT is my food and gas budget until the Friday after this one coming. Also, I sort-of forgot of the $25 paid to mother's CC, and that hit my bank, putting it at -$5. I made a transfer from savings, but was already charged an overdraft fee. The amount is still pending, so I will fight this fee, and hopefully get it removed. That's all the whining you will see on this post.

I feel bad because a lot of the posts/other blogs I see carry... you know, useful insight and brain-picking discussions. I appear to just be one big whiny boy. So although I have nothing really important to report, no mystery solved, no new ideas gained... I guess I do bring along a very important topic.

Budgeting with FAMILY.

Perhaps those of you that still have to support someone else might find it slightly burdensome at times. (I don’t mean young children or spouses). But what about that teenager that keeps snapping at you, and using your car and never refilling the gas? What about your wife's third cousin's fiancée that is staying with you for ‘only’ two months that’s going on half a year? Or your parents? My point is... what when you have to support someone that should be able to sustain themselves financially? And furthermore... what if they are rude, unthankful and just obnoxious?

Hello October! Goal Updates

Well, this weekend was slightly less lousy than expected. I really need to stop being such a pessimist. All in all, I was supposed to be on my way to rebuilding my EF, but I don't even think I will have enough for grocery money by the time I am done paying all that needs to be paid... in my parent's house.

As far as my counters... I did pay the car last month, which brings the total to 17 more payments to go. I'm honestly kind of excited about that. However, my CC1 has not moved an inch forward--in fact, it may be moving backward. Again. An extra $120 and $200 will be coming out of it. So with any luck, it will stay at $3,800. Everything else moved as planned.

So total expenditures for this weekend...
-$90 grocery shopping for the house (I swear I didn't even buy that much. Paper towels, litter sand, bread, cheese, ham, meats, water and drinks. And ice cream. That one is on me)
-$30 carryout meal for the family (because I was already ticked off and didnt feel like cooking something mediocre)
-$120 for home phone bill
-$200 dad's cellphone
-$25 mother's store card that was within a day of being late (and paying the penalty fee)
-$50 for gas for my dad, because I'm an idiot. But his tank was empty.

Grand total: $515. I also left the debit card with my dad because he needs to buy more tires for the one car that got towed, so if he cant cover the cost with his card (which has about $70 left), he'll have to use mine. But before the mystery amount for the tires, I only have $35 left for the next 2 weeks. Ouch. I guess I'll be having some seriously boring menu coming up. Or lots of soup, which is fine with me, because it's 56 degrees F at close to 3:00pm. $30 worth of soups? That's 20 cans. Bring it on, world.

Goals for October:
-Find the $400 missing to complete bare-bone household budget
-Not spend more money (duh, not like I can!)
-Plan outing/visit to half brother
-Figure out cost of fixing all broken cars and/or at least fix my own car
-Keep $200 in EF...

(Oh, and I really don't want to mention this as for some reason, I think ignoring it is a lot better and might 'hide' this from myself, but I did get paid from my other job, close to $200. It gets deposited directly to my savings account, so it is sitting at $190. But again, I am hiding that from myself, lest I use it to pay more stuff on the house as I attempt to regain some degree of control. Too many things are overdue and I can't handle them all...)