Thursday, November 17, 2011

Getting homesick for a place that doesn't exist

It doesn't exist yet, but I sure wish it did. After moving in Nov '10, I was left sort of displaced. Even before moving, living with my parents was nowhere near being a 'home'. Now I live in a house or two of them depending how you look at it (my parents' vs the room I rent close to work) but neither of them are 'homes'. I've been 'homeless' for a while. I mean no disrespect when using the word, but that's the only way I can describe it. I live in houses. But they're not a home. I don't feel at home at either of them, and haven't for a very long while.

I guess I'm longing for that place in the future that I can call a home. It may be a small, crowded studio apartment for a while, and I'd be more than ok with this. A home is not so much about the space, but what you put into it. Now with my car gone, it has added to the feeling of displacement. For someone who was driving at least 10hrs a week, a car was something I got attached to, and I am still bitter it is gone. The new-to-me car is nice, but yeah.

I have also been looking at my budget and readjusted it for the rest of the quarter. No snowballs yet! Probably none until January. Very disappointed in that. However, I may be able to reach the $1000 EF at the end of this month if no Murphy/parent-emergency comes along, which I am sure they will. But after New Year's, then the real battle begins. For one year straight, every penny will be going to debt. 12 straight months where nothing will be paid off to provide encouragement or motivation. But if I can survive those 12 months and stick to the plan, I will be rewarded with paying off 4 of 5 debts in the following 5 months.

I still want desperately to write some... worthwhile posts, not that I've written any, but by the time I catch a break from work, my head goes off wandering off to the would-be place and I get a bit melancholic. So that has been me for the last 2 weeks.


  1. I'm hoping to dedicate most of next year to aggressively paying off my debt. 2012 will not be a fun year for me!

  2. I like reading about how you are handling your family situation. I think all of us can claim some dysfunctionality in our families. Stay focused, and you will be successful. And like you, I am hoping that Murphy stays away!

  3. it's great that you're getting your emergency fund set up, it's a good backstop for those murphy moments1
    The snowball feels slow at first but once you start to gather a bit of momentum you'll be amazed how quickly the debt will start to go down. good luck!

  4. good luck! sounds like you'll be in good shape emergency fund wise the end of the year and in a great spot to see the light at the end of the tunnel by the end of next year! you'll feel SOO good once you can see the end of it. btw I've had my townhome for 11 yrs and it still hasn't felt like a home to me.I'm trying to make it that way but so far it hasn't felt like it.

  5. A house is not a home. I house is just that, a building. Home is where the heart is and you will find yours soon.

    Next year is going to be an interesting year with everyone going extra hardcore on debt. It will be a fun time to be a member of the PF world.

    Keep at it Tanner.

  6. If it helps, I love the title of this post.
    Take care of yourself.

  7. I hope you feel "at home" here with us in the PF bloggers world. I think next year is going to be a hardcore year for all of us - I know I will be throwing everything I have at my debt and should see some major progress this time next year.
    Chin up dear - it matters not what the topics of your posts are as long as they come from your heart:)

  8. @ Louise - I know, I can't wait until the snowball actually starts coming. Though in my case, it will be more than a snowball... more like an avalanche, since all debts will be so close to being done. Different kind of satisfaction from that one.
    @ Suzy - Ouch! That's a long time to live in a place. Hope you find yours soon!
    @ Jane - I do. It is very odd, but I do. It is part of my routine now, and I hope to stick around well after my payoff days. I mean, I'll still have L2 to deal with, and that will take a while in itself.

    Glad to see everyone will be gearing up for 2012! It helps when your friends are headed in the same direction you are.

  9. A year goes by fast and before you know it you will have reached your goals!

  10. Good things come to those who wait! ;) You're doing well, keep on saving towards that EF, you're SO close!!

  11. Lately I've felt the same way about writing. I have all these posts in my head when running around like achicken with my head cut off and then.... I sit down at the computer and NOTHING. Keep your chin up! It will come!

  12. I am your newest follower and would love for you to follow me back at Pounds4Pennies. I love to help people who are in financial situations and trying to get out and I love to help people declutter their space. Let me know if I can help in any way.

  13. Remember no matter what time of the day or night we are here. You will find your home. Believe me home is a feeling, and once you find it i will always be with you


  14. Yes, I understand completely. When I was going through a divorce I was in perpetual limbo. I didn't really have a "home". Hopefully, you'll find your place soon...
    Not seeing immediate results in debt repayment for 12 months can get discouraging...but keep on pluggin...
    Slow and steady wins the race!!

  15. Hi Tanner ... I just popped over to check out your blog :) I've found that what works for me is to visualize your living situation as you'd LIKE it to be and then work towards to that, bit by bit. If you'd like to move into a more homier place closer to work, for example, check out the rents and security deposits in the desired area and then make efforts to save the necessary money, check your credit report, etc. Set yourself a goal and a time line and work towards it bit by bit. A studio apartment is a great idea. :)