I had a rather rough weekend over at my parents, and had to lie myself out of there because I really, really did not want to stay there any longer than absolutely necessary. They were throwing a second baby shower for my brother and his wife, and while I am excited about their addition to the family, it is quite shadowed with too much financial grief nobody but me seems to notice.
I have mentioned my parents pay for my nephew's diapers, lotion, baby powder, oil, shampoo, food and formula, for whenever he's at my parent's house. Which is daily, since my parents provide the daycare, free of charge. Any of you with kids or with friends/family with kids knows how expensive this is. My brother and his wife simply aren't footing the bill, so my parents do it. My brother does not see how taxing it is to have a child in daycare. You think that he and his wife would be inclined to pay my parents at least a portion of what they would pay a daycare (or at least for the diapers and formula!), but my luck isn't so good. What are they doing with their extra income? "Saving for retirement" and house hunting for a bigger house. Yeah, really. After all, who can turn down free daycare where you don't even have to pay for the diapers? I swear morality and principles just went down the drain and I happened to catch a bit of it. This is my older brother too. Someone who I looked up to. Oh well.
I said I had to meet with my half brother down in DC and left about an hour after the baby shower started. Did some grocery shopping ($4 under budget!)... But it still bothers me... That explains why I'm $500 short in the past 2 months, that my parents haven't been able to repay... they're already in a dire, sad financial situation and they have a grandson to pay for. I can only imagine what this new bundle of joy is going to indirectly cost me. So yeah, I'm sorry if I sound like a terrible person, and I would never wish ill on any of them, but I am very, very underwhelmed and unexcited. I can't say I will miss any of them once I leave.
I have mentioned my parents pay for my nephew's diapers, lotion, baby powder, oil, shampoo, food and formula, for whenever he's at my parent's house. Which is daily, since my parents provide the daycare, free of charge. Any of you with kids or with friends/family with kids knows how expensive this is. My brother and his wife simply aren't footing the bill, so my parents do it. My brother does not see how taxing it is to have a child in daycare. You think that he and his wife would be inclined to pay my parents at least a portion of what they would pay a daycare (or at least for the diapers and formula!), but my luck isn't so good. What are they doing with their extra income? "Saving for retirement" and house hunting for a bigger house. Yeah, really. After all, who can turn down free daycare where you don't even have to pay for the diapers? I swear morality and principles just went down the drain and I happened to catch a bit of it. This is my older brother too. Someone who I looked up to. Oh well.
Why do your parents owe you $500? After all you'll been through with them I'm surprised you'd foot their bill for anything truth be told. If your parents wish to foot the bills for grandchildren, there's not much you can do except keep your money close & in your pocket! ;)
ReplyDeleteI was thinking the same thing...then I remembered (maybe) that you helped them out with something and have an agreed payment plan set up that they apparently aren't adhering to.
DeleteI understand your frustration in this matter - especially since you can see that people are taking advantage of family members and it's costing you the money. Effectively you are the one buying those diapers etc., since that is coming out of the money you are owed.
As harsh as this may sound, it's time to enjoy family for who they are and keep the financial aspect out of that relationship. From here it looks like the only one suffering is you.
Chin up. You are doing a great job with your stuff. I totally get this family thing you are going through (been there many times myself). Soon you'll be more removed from the situation.
@ Carla: $220 x 2 for the car insurance which I will be switching on the 29th of this month (a bit earlier than I planned to), plus $50 for the 'baby shower' decorations I was supposed to get back, and $10 for gas.
Delete@FMW: I gave up on that agreement (it was for the car, though they ensure me they'll pay me some day), but thanks for the kind words!
Wow - it sounds like you indirectly support everyone in your family! What do you think would happen if one time, just one time, you told them "sorry, but I am broke right now. I had some unexpected personal expenses come up and I just can't help you out this time"? They would figure it out some other way, I'm sure. And then maybe the next time it would be easier for you to say no again. Do you really think that being farther away from them is going to stop them from calling and asking you for money? I so hope that is the case.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure they would figure another way too... or they'd cut the electricity at the house, one or the other. After this month though, I'd have severed all financial ties with him, so I'll make sure I keep your comment in mind. As far as if I think that being far will stop them, I honestly do.
DeleteIt is sad and tragic that your brother palms off the costs of his child on your parents(and hence indirectly on you)but what I find reprehensible is that your brother and his wife, who can NOT afford to support themselves and their firstborn, feel they have a RIGHT to have another child!
ReplyDeleteIt's morally bankrupt this kind of thinking.....to purposely go and have children when you are in a situation whereas you can't financially can't support yourself. Having one and not being able to support it I'll let slide but come on!......they KNOW their financial situation and unless they are mentally deficient they have to KNOW that a second child will cost MORE and will cost even more that they can't cover.
And if they start milking some government program it not only becomes your problem but it becomes the taxpayers problem, thus MY problem, because they refuse to live responsibly and morally and within their means.
Yes, I went there!......if people who can't support themselves continue to breed and go on assistance, don't tell me I don't have a right to stick my nose into their procreating. The govt. creates no income, it takes the taxpayers income(in taxes)and gives it to people like this who are irresponsible. This is why there is a large segment of the working population in this country who are outraged at misbehavior being rewarded. Count me among them....
I don't think (or have heard) of any programs. They CAN afford the child. They can afford daycare and diapers and formula... but they dont. They just contribute to their retirement funds and new house hunting costs. That, I agree is very, very wrong.
DeleteIt doesn't have to cost you ANYTHING. NOT YOUR KID. NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Run, don't walk, away from this mess. The more you give, the more they'll take. Save yourself, for fuck's sake. This is worse than a trainwreck.
ReplyDeleteUgh I don't know how I didn't notice this post so far. I'm so sorry. AHHHH! Seriously I feel so bad for you. That is ridiculous. They need to pay for their own crap (I mean that literally since it is diapers).
ReplyDelete