Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Losing my cool

As many of you know, I can't really stand my mother. And not in a pre-teen/teenager fashion, but as an adult can dislike another adult person for the choices they impose on others. In contrast, I am supposed to like my dad a lot. Or so I thought until recently, where that is also beginning to fade.

My dad is an awesome person. But he hates confrontation to the point he will willingly let my mother (mis)manage his money, just so that he can point to her and not be accountable. All the mess in the house? Her fault. All the debt? Her fault. It's raining today? Her fault. Which is true (except the rain part), but he isn't helping. Neither am I, but we talk about me enough on this blog. So let's talk about my father.

Last night I went to bed very, very ticked off at him. Why? Long story short, here's what I was told:
- I was to call my dad's cellphone provider AT&T (which is still in my name... I know, I am working on changing it!) to investigate why my younger sister's phone had not been shipped.

What actually happened?:
- They had attempted to move my mother's line from her old Verizon account. So they were moving her phone, without really moving the line, in order to 'score' a new phone for my sister, who had used her upgrade status earlier this year.

So there I was, clocking in at 2hrs, with a supervisor that thinks I am trying to scam the system, and me rather embarassed. I end the call as quickly as possible and call my dad. Who thinks that it is nothing out of the ordinary that he knowingly has, once again, just lied to my face. So I yell (in texts) and tell them to figure it on their own and go to bed.

I spent a better part of this morning thinking about apologizing. It isn't his fault. It is NEVER his fault. But conceiling information is just as bad as lying. Then I get an email from AT&T saying that the phone has been ordered. I guess they did get it resolved, but... It really pains me to get on my dad's bad side, because I know he feels like he doesn't have anyone trustworthy anymore. My older brother isnt. He's too in-league with our mother. The younger three are worse and very uncaring. So I know my dad depends on me to help him out, and though I'd hate to burn that bridge, I think it's time for me to start walking away. Sad to see some things come to this. I guess our relationship will be just another casualty in this war.


  1. I'm sorry, I hope nothing happens with the relationship that you have with your father.

  2. Aw... just tell him that you were tired, it was late, and that the company representatives were difficult to work with. He will understand that, and it'll smooth over any bad feelings. And if you want to stop being his 24/7 helper, just have some excuses ready for next time. I am pretty mean, but I saw two emails from my sister and saw only the subject line, but did not open or read them. It'll be easier now to say that I didn't see them. I'll read them later, after the even that I'm completely sure I don't want to attend is over with. But if she asks, I just missed that email and didn't see it at all. :o/

  3. So frustrating! Family situations are really hard sometimes. I get mad at my father a lot because he let's my stepmom take advantage of him and I always want to beat him. Sometimes you can't help someone until they help themselves but I hope things work out.

  4. I hate to say it bud, but it's exactly your Dad's fault. It's both your parents faults for two completely different reasons.

  5. I think that you need to completely cut all financial ties with your parents. I think that it would really help your relationship. You can be upfront and tell them about your decision if you want to go that route.

  6. I'm so sorry you are going through all of this! I had terrible relationships with my Dad growing up but awesome ones with my Mom, so I know how hard it could be. I really hope you will make the best decision for YOU!

  7. I agree with ND Cick, cutting all ties that have to do with $$ would be a huge step in the right direction for you

  8. Yes, just walk away. How can you handle all this stress? Seriously, I couldn't.
    Take care.

  9. Seems everyone is giving you the same advice, you could do well to take it but to be honest, I don't think I would like you to cut ties with him even though he is an enabler that is making you an enabler.

    Your situation is always tough. You have a lot of strength Tanner. You will know what is the best thing to do.