Monday, November 7, 2011

Week Recap 11/7, Meal Plans and Talk outcome

Weeks run from Mon-Sun. This is what happened last week:

Friday: $11.10 bread for parents' house, and bought a sandwich at the store because I was hungry. The sandwich was awful, and it took me over 20min to decide whether to buy it or not. Should've not! Lesson learned. On the flip side, I did get a coupon for a free sandwich. Decisions, decisions.

And that's it. Pretty boring, but I think it offsets last week where I barely had any non-spend days.


As part of my goals for November, I needed at least 2 weeks of meal planning. It would ideally help me manage my food shopping and my diet. That, and I'd hate to admit that I ate tostino's pizza rolls for dinner on Wed/Thu, with frozen veggies, and had a hot pocket sandwich for lunch, with frozen veggies for Thu/Fri. Yes. Shame on me BIG time. But at least I did have some veggies.

Mon: Soup and bread, go shopping for rice
Tue: Rice and italian sausages, salad w/ tomatoes, cucumber and cheese
Wed: Rice and fish, salad
Thu: Roasted potato wedges with sausages


Oh, yes. About 'the talk'. It started out poorly, and ended a few steps behind the start line. I gave up towards the end. It was emotionally and mentally draining. Sorry. I thought calling the whole thing off before it started on Sunday, but the thought of disappointing you guys made me go for it anyway. After seeing it fail, the only thing I can really say is that I tried. Though I'm still disappointed.

My mother doesn't want me to take control. She has the excuse that because they've made it thus far, they can make it. That I actually don't know better compared to her, and that, oh yeah, the sky is red and the moon is made of cheese at her command. Her side of the argument was not valid by any standards, specially because they can't even pay the rent this month.

I promise I only have one last attempt to be made, via snailmail. I’ll write everything that needs to happen and how to follow my plans without me butting in or getting myself involved. After that, then I’m VERY afraid I’ll have to go hands-off. I’ll increase my contribution to them to $200/mo (vs. $100 set), and cut off any extended parent-Murphy interference. I will still be paying for the car, which is $410/mo. These changes will probably mean I will limit my visits to their house eveb further. The letter, which is yet to be crafted, will be in the mail no later than tomorrow. The pressure's on!

THANK YOU everyone for your comments. I know you are right for the most part, and I'm not being stubborn because I want to. It is a hard situation, and I had hoped I could resolve it my way, but perhaps that was never in the cards.


  1. You definitely have a "burden" on your heart. It sounds so heavy. I admire that you want to help your parents. It is just too bad your mom is not "hearing" you. I hope the situation improves for you and your parents.

  2. I am so sorry you have this problem, but you may just have to let go. I know you feel sorry for your father and that your mother tears down his financial chances but has she not done this all along? What did you do while growing up? What is the worst case scenario if you walk away? Can you live with that?

  3. You are a hardcore no spender. No argument there.

    As for the talk I can sort of understand what you are going through even if I have never been in the situation.

    Like Lisa said,

    "You have a burden on your heart"

    I'm sorry the talk didn't go as planned but I really do hope that with your new plan and you limiting the help you give to them that it opens their eyes as to what needs to be done. I really wish you didn't have to go through all of this though.

    If your plan doesn't work, here is a suggestion you could try. Completely cut yourself off from helping them for a couple months, maybe 3 tops but not for good.

    Let them see just how difficult it is, don't pay for the car or anything(unless you are using it) and let them hit rock bottom, let them see just how hard it is. It may cost some extra money if the car gets repossessed and what's not but hopefully at that cost they will learn a lesson and try to change. At that point I believe you will be able to help them more. This is only a suggestion and I hope that your current plan works so this doesn't even get considered but it is the only middle ground I see where you can still help them, even if you have to delay it a bit and still get your own life in financial control.

    Anyways. I wish you the best.

  4. Hi Tanner - I've added your blog to my blogroll and have begun reading your posts (starting from the beginning). Once I feel I know your better I'll start offering my opinions:)You do seem to be carrying a heavy load and it doesn't seem fair, to say the least. You're amongst friends here and we do a good job of listening and offering advice. Hang in there!

  5. I'm new to your blog, trying to "catch up" too. I'm sorry you are so young and have to carry such a burden that isn't even your own financial fault. The only advice I can offer is to keep working toward thinking about yourself and your future first. I hope things get easier for you soon!

  6. @ Lisa - Thanks. It is a burden at times.
    @ OMW - While growing up, we were not afforded any details of what was going on. Yet we knew they were living well beyond their means. She has done this all along, yes. No idea how it has worked. Worst case scenario, as Rafiki mentioned, the car would get repossessed, the utilities would get cut off, civil non-payment charges, and eventually they'd be kicked from the house they rent. I can't live with that, no. At least not while I'm in the same state. Hence I continue to help.
    @ Rafiki - I have done that in much smaller scales, and it ends poorly. Besides, I dont have the heart to do something like that for a long period of time... the only way I can get away with that is moving out of state, which is my goal. Thanks for the wishes!
    @ Jane - Welcome! Sorry for the long reads. I really appreciate everyone's comments.
    @ OneFamily - Welcome as well! I wish it does become easier soon, because there's only so much pressure that can be applied before a twig snaps.

  7. I am sorry the talk went so bad. I heard something on the Dave Ramsey show that made me think of you. He said there is something about people that when they wipe and powder your butt they don't want to take financial or marital advice from you. It makes a lot of sense. He went on to say that if you want to change these people you need to go out and win yourself. They may see your success and want that for themselves. I say the same thing I have and will always say with you. Cut the cord.

  8. @ Jeff - Ha! That is probably true. I still dream of a situation where people can be people despite the blood/legal roles. To treat parents and family as you would friends or other people. That could get us somewhere.

  9. Cut your financial ties with your parents. If they're determined to fail, let them.
    Yes, I know that this sounds cold, but, so?

  10. You have went WELL above & beyond the call of duty when it comes to your parents my dear!! Onwards & upwards for you!!! ((hugs))

  11. I'm sorry that it didn't go well.

  12. You've done a lot for your parents, more than a lot of people would, time to put your own needs first, take care

  13. I think that once your parents see that you can take care of yourself, are successful and financially secure then they'll change their tune. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

    That's what it took with mine in order to get them into a Dave Ramsey class.

  14. Hi Tanner

    What your parents do with their finances is their own decision, it seems they are not going to change. Take care of yourself, dont drown with them.

    If you have not read this post by Gail Vaz-Oxlade you really should:

    Best of luck Karin

  15. I just want to give you a big hug. You are such a great person and have tried so hard but you can not win against someone who will not listen. The only thing you can do is save yourself.

    We are here for you.